July 2009
21 posts
withinluwithoutlu:
dear tumblr,
i’m single again :(
-lspot
Sucks man, my condolences.
Hey, if it’s any consolation, so am I! I separate informally from my wife of 13 years tomorrow and move into a shared townhouse. Ain’t life grand?
June 2009
33 posts
Bernie Madoff sentenced to 150 Years
(via notthatkindagay)
If I were the shameless type, this is where I would rehash something like, “It’s an appropriate sentence given how he Madoff with everyone’s money.”
Lucky for you, I’m not like that AT ALL.
NYC landlords not willing to rent to Ruth Madoff →
She’s not likely to find assistance from the local homeless shetler either, as her husband is responsible for most of the clientele.
US tourist in Germany follows outdated GPS... →
Disaster was averted when the GPS instructed him to turn left, directly into an adjacent lake. He was rescued by two Dunder Mifflin employees who just happened to already be in the water.
Man arrested for raping prostitutes →
He is being held without bail pending a decision on whether he’ll be charged with petty theft or braking and entering.
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2009-6-28) →
Duran Duran (2)
The Bus Boys (1)
Killer Pussy (1)
The B-52’s (1)
The Bluebells (1)
Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
Armed men steal half-eaten sandwich →
Victim offered no resistance, as he had no intentions of playing the gyro.
KC man urinating while sleepwalking stabbed →
The Aristocrats!
State Park manager fired for sexual harassment of... →
Claims that it shouldn’t be a crime to try to get some tail, it will be a total fluke if he is convicted.
Morning fire at swinger's club forces some to flee... →
Fire investigators say the blaze was fueled by a large quantity of morning wood.
Gang of geriatric kidnappers arrested →
You haven’t seen everything until you’ve senior grandmother in an orange jumpsuit.
FDA classifies Cheerios as a drug →
FDA also issues warning that some street Cheerios have been cut with All Bran and should be considered dangerous.
Former glamour model faces jail for serial bigamy →
Captain Crunch and Count Chocula among the ranks of jilted husbands that are expected to testify.
Traveler Detained For Carrying "Too Much" Cash... →
TSA reportedly in no danger of being sued for carrying too many morons on payroll.
Two thirds of teens think reality TV is more... →
The joke is on them, once they realize that neither is important!
(For the religious minded that read this - it’s a joke, get over it! How you get your fix of spirituality is different than mine, and that’s A-OK. Humour is universal, though)
Pilot buries helicopter crash survivor in sand →
Just when you think Jeff Probst has run out of locations to shoot, he comes up with another gem.
Man wearing women's bathing suit arrested in Ohio →
Charged with failing to properly bikini wax before leaving the house, the case appears to be cut-and-dried and his right to a speedo trial will be upheld.
Chewing gum bandits arrested →
Suspects were unable to Excel at their chosen craft, will have a hard time Wrigleying out of this situation.
Recent upswing in lightning deaths →
Gov’t cites the report as shocking proof that the stimulus package is working, should hold off taxpayer re-volt in the short term.
'Hookers for Jesus' founder marries in Vegas →
Jesus later ejected from the casino for card counting, screams himself whores as he’s pulled from the tables, forced to return to Tijuana.
“The Obamas, and a dozen guys in Hollywood.”
.
.
.
“Name people...”
– someone channeling Carnac the Magnificent
Airlines reduce the size of spoons to save fuel →
Re-invention of the spork is imminent.
megalomaniac:
My ballsack has a tendency to squirm its way out of my boxers when I sleep. It’s a service I provide for people who dare wake me.
Sorry about that, I’ll try to remember to tuck it back in when I’m done.
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2009-6-7) →
Biffy Clyro (51)
Fall Out Boy (3)
The All-American Rejects (3)
Eluvium (2)
+44 (2)
Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
10-yr old impales himself on bike handle →
Lawsuit pending against the bike manufacturer; boy’s lawyer expects to Schwinn a large settlement.
Diarrhoea cases pour in from cities in India →
An advisory for voluntary evacuation is now in place.
Woman living at Vero Beach SafeSpace found dead →
Name change to “Vero Beach NotSoSafeSpace” is in the works.
Bear spotted with head stuck in feeder →
Oh, bother.
80-yr old graduates High School in Minnesota →
Proof-positive of the previous administration’s “No Senior Left Behind” program.
Tourist Chad Vance clings to side of train for two... →
Now that he has survived the ordeal, Chad is looking forward to being more famous for this feat than for having been named after faulty ballot hole-punches.
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2009-5-31) →
Pylon (1)
Hüsker Dü (1)
Shriekback (1)
The B-52’s (1)
Gang of Four (1)
Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz