May 2009
152 posts
Woman loses both arms and legs in a series of... →
Hospital denies responsibility, since she could not produce claim check stubs for the missing limbs.
Doctors advise: skip the flip-flops this summer →
Right-wing conservatives everywhere say that this would seriously impact their platform.
Michael Jackson fears nose will fall off →
He was originally planning to bite it off to spite his face, but given how it currently looks I guess he figured it was a waste of effort.
Woman explodes boyfriend's penis with firecrackers →
withinluwithoutlu:
up-schist-creek:
Insert obligatory ‘blown away’ joke here.
Lorena Bobbit doesn’t even hold a (Roman) candle to this.
The girlfriend says she wanted to remain a virgin, and he was trying to take her cherry bomb.
Giant blob found deep beneath Nevada →
Representatives for Rosie O’Donnell say that she is extremely upset at the lengths the papparazzi will go to to track her down.
Woman explodes boyfriend's penis with firecrackers →
Insert obligatory ‘blown away’ joke here.
Heather Graham urges women to be strippers, says... →
9 out of 10 men agree according to an informal pole.
reblog with how you came up with your tumblr URL
wilfy:
airport:
(via guernica322)
I like airports.
Wilf is my autistic cousin’s nickname for me but it was already taken.
Up Schist Creek is a Piers Anthony short story that appeared in a collection of his works called “Anthonology” that was published in 1985. It centres around a man visiting a remote town that had been chosen to trial a new prototype body suit that was 100%...
People scared of swine flu can construct their own... →
Variations in manufacture may mean that you don’t Always know how effective it will be against heavy flu. User recommendations on how to make these are quite useful, but it’s important not to take them out of Kotex.
Sperm has now officially been proven to have... →
Men came to that conclusion ages ago, but are nonetheless enerjizzed by scientific proof.
Latvian hookers signal no recovery for the economy →
Well, they’re certainly as credible as any commentary coming from Wall Street these days.
Factory worker fired for calling his boss a serial... →
But really, the boss should keep his love of Cream of Wheat and Apple Jacks off the internet. Nobody Chex their security settings anymore.
Fate of man who decapitated fellow bus passenger... →
My guess is that he will beheading to a psychiatric prison ward.
Man survives car wreck only to be killed by... →
Police expect to apprehend the train engineer shortly, as he left tracks leading away from the scene of the accident.
Woman found hiding in bushes after killing father... →
Defence hopes to get her off with only a fern warning, plan to ficus this all the way. Prosecution says it’s hopeless, shrub their shoulders in dismay.
Police in Nebraska are looking for a man who... →
(via hilker)
Their lead investigators are on the case, hope to find the smoking gun.
Green Tea prevents transmission of HIV →
ERs stock up on burn cream, expecting a higher than normal incidence rate of people pouring piping hot tea into vaginas and anuses.
Kids with ADHD need to fidget, study says →
This also just in, people with incontinence need to urinate frequently, people with incompetence gravitate to ADHD studies.
Family drops 96-yr old aunt at shelter so they can... →
She may have to stay there indefinitely, as it appears the family lost the Claim Check somewhere between “It’s a Small World” and “Pirates of the Caribbean”.
Dead woman graduates from Taylor University in... →
She credits perseverence in the face of stiff resistance, overcoming the rigours of daily life. She plans to take the next couple of years off and join the Peace Corpse.
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2009-5-24) →
The Mars Volta (14)
At the Drive-In (4)
Mogwai (2)
Sublime (1)
Deftones (1)
Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
jhnbrssndn:
topherchris:
I wonder if it’s feasible for a Twitter client (like my favorite, Tweetie) to display tweets based on groups of Twitter users created by the enduser. I like following lots of people in the same way I liked seeing all replies, but it would be great to have “sub-timelines” of users I organize into a single-level taxonomy.
DestroyTwitter does that.
TweetStack is another...
Mayor of San Francisco to impose Butt Tax →
notthatkindagay:
up-schist-creek:
The city’s male gay community plan massive protests in response.
I’d like to tax that ass.
My word, such cheek! :-D
Teenage girl auctions off her virginity, German... →
I always get screwed on my taxes, too.
'Bazooka Joe' movie deal in the works →
Not to burst the writers’ bubble or anything, but I find this one a little hard to chew. Gum.
Mayor of San Francisco to impose Butt Tax →
The city’s male gay community plan massive protests in response.
3 Wolf T-Shirt Amazon Reviews →
canadiandana:
I have been laughing my ass off at these all day. Some of these reviews are pure genius.
I know, aren’t they great :-D ?
Man charged for cow abortion drug in girl's drink →
The charge to his bill was outragious, says he had clearly ordered the rohypnol mixer for her and he absolutely will not pay this.
Church organist charged in sex case →
Defence team maintains that the accused was merely trying to stay current in his profession by learning to manipulate newer organs as they became available.
US spends $178,000 to study why protitutes in... →
And in an unrelated study, US Navy sailors assigned to SouthEast Asia have high HIV risk.
Gold tooth led to Mets toilet mishap; woman's arm... →
She was not pleased with the acommodations. Workers were able to successfully break open the device and she was throne free of the toilet.
YouTube battling 'Porn Day' Campaign →
Government agencies are completely against the action, saying there is already enough unwatchable trash on YouTube. Plus, we’ve got XTube and YouPorn already, so what’s the point?
“you get to stand in line for 30,000 lightyears… and then you sit in silence with...”
– Matt Langer: Brainland’s 1 Sentence Restaurant Reviews: Shake Shack, NYC
Public service announcement: a light-year is a distance. If you ever want to write the word “light-year”, replace it with “mile” or “kilometer” and see if it still makes sense.
Alternatively, don’t use the word “light-year”...
Australia man charged over marsupial bow attacks →
Authorities are unsure exactly who it was that armed the animals with bows in the first place, but the man wrongfully charged has vowed that they will roo the day they strung him along.
Who else is left handed?
listener:
up-schist-creek:
incaseyoumissedit:
bluestring:
saveyourbreath:
3dancehalldrug:
thatjeffreykid:
inflightradio:
digitalbath:
I believe we’re superior, ngl
we are.
me
yay
Me, actually, I’m abidextrous, but I prefer my left (:
I am
me :)
I’ll jerk with either hand, I don’t discriminate.
What?
My daughter, who is two, is exhibiting clear signs of...
“I contend we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do....”
– Stephen F. Roberts
Obama Avoids Test on Gays in Military →
notthatkindagay:
The Obama administration has decided to accept an appeals-court ruling that could undermine the military’s ban on service members found to be gay.
A federal appeals court in San Francisco last year ruled that the government must justify the expulsion of a decorated officer solely because she is a lesbian. The court rejected government arguments that the law banning gays in the...
Colbert's Best Math Moments →
iamken:
In honor of a new number named after Stephen Colbert, here are some of The Report’s best math-related clips.
Saudi files for 'killer' tracking chip patent →
Similar patent requests have been made by the same inventor to a stone-throwing mini-gun for state executions and a radar that can detect when women are driving cars.
Computer repairman steals hard drive, tries to... →
If found guilty, the prosecution intends to ask for the Maxtor sentence possible.
US will pay $2.6 Million to Train Chinese... →
No word on how much it will cost to train research grant source to do the same.
Getting to know the tumbeloggers
Name: Phil Nickname: Ralph, Sir, My Lord. Tumblr Name: Up Schist Creek Age: 38 (I know, shut up) Birthday: August 16 Location: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada Current school/job: Army Officer (Major). Systems Engineering Management on the Close Combat Vehicle procurement project, responsible for main gun (35-45mm autocannon), ammunition, turret, comms, fire control, and simulators. High school: Yes. A...