April 2009
115 posts
Missouri man appears in BBC documentary on people... →
He says it’s easier than it looks, but I’m thinking his parts Mustang a little afterwards.
Mice attack war veteran in nursing home →
French owners of the establishment are being accused of not taking the situation souris-ously.
Girl beats off muggers with marching band baton →
I don’t see how that would be arousing AT ALL, but I guess there’s a kink for everyone out there.
Sleep problems lead to school problems →
familyanatomy:
Stressed out kids have more trouble at school, but it’s because stress interferes with sleep!
If you have kids, these guys’ podcast is for you. Where else are you going to get advice from two psychologists for free? Nowhere, that’s where, they’ll mostly all blood-sucking… err… really sweet guys.
Go listen! You jerks.
WHO raises pandemic flu alert level to phase 5 →
notthatkindagay:
The World Health Organization has raised its pandemic alert for swine flu to the second highest level, meaning that it believes a global outbreak of the disease is imminent.
EVERYBODY PANDEMIC!
Fixed that for you…
Two men eat brother's body to conceal murder →
Consumed with guilt, both men expressed great remorsel as tears spilled from their tenderize. Jurists digested the evidence and sentenced them to death. No word yet on what will be their Grade A choice of final meal on death row.
Russian shamans split over top shaman elections →
Bottom shaman elections proceeded without any problems.
Armed pregnant woman attempts to rob bank →
Her accomplice was apprehended in a womb nearby and is currently serving the remainder of his 9-month sentence.
Union official cuts off finger and eats it in wage... →
Claims his employers changed the terms of the contract after the fact, as he distinctly dismembered it differently.
Woman stabs priest during confession →
Priest claims he never promised her a rosary garden.
Horse and buggy involved in fatal crash →
Driver goes free without charges being laid, community is outraged about the missed carriage of justice.
WHO raises pandemic alert level →
mattirick:
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!
Police officer catches man, woman having sex in... →
The man admitted that he had a thing for trailer trash.
[Link courtesy of Phil P.!]
Man sets house on fire while trying to kill a... →
Investigators not only puzzled as to how a river barge caused the building to combust, but are intensely curious to find out how he managed to get it inside the house.
Fat people are causing global warming →
Apparently they toot their own horn too much, say researchers. They could have come to this conclusion long ago, but the final report suffered from several errors of emission.
Proof that bacon cures hangovers →
Critics of the discovery say that the cure is far rasher than the affliction.
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2009-4-26) →
Battlestar Galactica (141)
Wolf Parade (55)
The Beta Band (24)
God Is an Astronaut (20)
Traveling Wilburys (13)
Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
scottjeffrey:
(via the-best-on-mars)
I lost 7 last night/today. :D
Follower whore!
:-D
I shaved my head clean.
scottjeffrey:
Well not bic’d but pretty close, it was time people trust me.
Welcome to the club, sir.
Happy ending for horse in Boulder →
When reached for comment, Sarah Jessica Parker vehemently denied ever stepping hoof in a Boulder massage parlour.
How Nintendo killed hardcore gaming →
Players will now have to settle for softcore gaming that clips off the death of each level- and end-game-boss’ death.
Police seek way to dispose of dead cow in river →
Representatives for Rosie O’Donnell were quick to announce that the rumours of her demise were greatly exaggerated.
Transplant patient loses new hand →
Claims he can almost remember where he left the appendage, but can’t quite put his finger on it.
Pamela Anderson plans bikini cooking show →
Marketing execs doubtful that there are enough ways to cook a bikini to make a compelling series.
Sword-waving ninja attempts to rob dry cleaning... →
When asked if he could identify the assailant, the store clerk replied, “Yes, I’m shuriken.”
Universe might taste like raspberries →
Asstrobiologists still unsure as to the taste of Black Holes.
Financial literacy added to Chicago curriculum →
Actual reading literacy to come in a future program expansion if this one proves successful.
What to do if you encounter a cougar →
Distract her with draught beer, cigarettes, or your younger friend strangely absent from list.
'Hungry Eyes' singer jailed for DUI →
On Eric Carmen’s upcoming jail time and interaction with the jail community, he says he’s fine with Dirty Dancing but doesn’t want his cellmate to try to Go All The Way. “Even better if I can be All By Myself,” said Carmen.
Woman sends stripper in her place to High School... →
Fellow alums shocked and appalled, indicated a recent pole; dancers at the event were equally unimpressed.
Dad beats 6-yr old son for poorly playing a video... →
He claims he had no choice, as the previous punishment of -50 DKP wasn’t effective and he was going to wipe the whole Raid if he didn’t smarten up.
Blind and drunk driver arrested →
Was turned in to police by no see neighbours.
City bus hits and kills man in wheelchair, who was... →
I blame bad karma as the man never saw The Towers of Hanoi, and that’s a fractal never forget. (Super Obscure Bonus Wordplay for Programming Geeks!)
Student arrested, may be charged for shooting... →
Prosecutors willing to reduce the charges if he fully cooperates.
Portable toilet arsonist sought →
Interesting - what does it pay?
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2009-4-19) →
Battlestar Galactica (121)
Cake (48)
Lostprophets (36)
Fall Out Boy (33)
MGMT (26)
Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
how many people honestly enjoy their life as much...
lionandthewolf:
(via hannahisdead)
I wish I could without being looked down upon for it. I’m 28 guys, I wish I was 17 again. That’d be reaaaaaal nice.
For now I’m going to live out the dream, read comics, play videogames and be called a loser instead of a kid doing the same and being called a dreamer.
It works the same at 38, too, just so you know… :-(
All of you drinking, I'm insanely jealous.
lionandthewolf:
I wish I had the money to get loaded right now.
That’s why credit cards are awesome. Or so I say now, as I’m into 9 pints of Guinness.
Wheee.
bored
gompr:
ladyydaisy:
pertoleum:
ladyydaisy:
pertoleum:
ladyydaisy:
pertoleum:
(via ladyydaisy)
samesies
we should throw a tumblr party complete with ballooons and stopid apitizers
can we have rice to throw at birds so they explode
since when do birds explode from rice?
well they eat it, then it inflates in their stomach and they explode
um well, we can have rice, and we can...