February 2009
110 posts
Men Now Wearing Tighter Pants to Get Women to... →
starline:
sooshi:
That is all.
What? That is totally assinine, no butts about it. Just wait until some ass cracks jokes about this trend.
Man jailed after stabbing girlfriend's feet →
setuplikeadeckofcards:
up-schist-creek:
The man, a resident of Fort Pierce, alledgedly attacked her from the foot of the bed.
Doctors believe the victim’s injuries will totally heel.
If convicted, she plans to pray daily for his sole to be saved.
(and I fixed your ‘heel’ - nice one, though, awesome!)
Woman arrested for unwanted hugging →
She claims she thought he would be open to intimate contact, given his previous conviction for bhuggery.
Girlfriend tries to run over boyfriend for wanting... →
Her record includes charges for assault for trying to steeple his hands to a table for misplacing her pew-ter keepsakes.
Man jailed after stabbing girlfriend's feet →
The man, a resident of Fort Pierce, alledgedly attacked her from the foot of the bed.
Washington Could Resolve Banking Mess By Drawing... →
hilker:
“At the end of the day, we need to invite bankers, who know how to properly manage a bank, to lead us out of this crisis. If the government solicited counsel from successful banks in the first place, they would have understood that the TARP model is flawed.”
it’s an interesting take, for sure. i’m not sure about his solution, but it’s simple & it seems to make sense to me.
They...
Meme - Two Random Things On Your Desk Right Now
lifeofpaul:
shutupinternet:
Last time I did this it was wildly successful with almost 100 notes, let’s try to break that, Tumblr.
Two random things on your desk right now: Go.
Mine: Old Bay crab seasoning and Blackalicious’ CD Blazing Arrow
Glass of orange juice, Sharpie marker.
A bottle of hand sanitizer from BlizzCon 2008, Lego Imperial AT-ST Walker (18-inch tall Collector’s...
Mother sells newborn to pay for hospital bill →
kbkarma:
tristanjay7:
up-schist-creek:
Was snapped up at the ‘Buy it now’ price, woman promises to pay shipping charge.
When reached for comment, the buyer remarked “A+++++++++++++++++ WILL BUY AGAIN!”
However, he only gave her four stars out of five, for not including a ready supply of breast milk.
Buyer to contact mother to pump her for more info.
Man living in cave hit by recession, foreclosure... →
setuplikeadeckofcards:
up-schist-creek:
Wife hopes they sell with appliances included, as the old stove burned her mitts.
Owners asking for $300,000 and not a penny under, groundcover included.
Adamant on price, vows he will not cave in to lesser bids.
Mother sells newborn to pay for hospital bill →
Was snapped up at the ‘Buy it now’ price, woman promises to pay shipping charge.
Man living in cave hit by recession, foreclosure... →
Wife hopes they sell with appliances included, as the old stove burned her mitts.
Dentist says groping was part of treatment →
Prosecution drills defendant mercilessly on the stand, victims unable to give impact statement at trial, they don’t feel up to it.
"Tasers save lives" →
Except for the ones they kill, of course.
Marijuana smoking suspected in frat house fire →
Michael Phelps unavailable for comment.
Scientists develop artificial uterus to help save... →
An excellent first step in saving an endangered species, but there is still womb for improvement.
600-pound man says he's too fat to appear in... →
Judge with giant ego says he will lay mountainous fine, heavy jail term if he does not show up.
California bill brought forward that would... →
Successful in Amsterdam, but then again the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.
sparo:
antikris:
[Can someone recommend] a good sleeping pill? I have this occasional insomnia and I cant handle it anymore. Girlfriend needs her beauty rest. I have heard bad things about all of them and Ambien doesnt really do it for me anymore.
Listen to some Soma FM.
I’m currently using zopiclone/Lunesta. Works for me, and I’m extremely resistant to most medications (takes...
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2009-2-22) →
The Rocket Summer (94)
Cake (62)
Weezer (56)
Eluvium (28)
Mogwai (25)
Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
Doughnut shop worker slashes man's tires →
Irate customer vows a cruller fate is in store for the vandal.
Texas may let hunters shoot pigs from choppers →
Outdoorsmen from abroad may hog all the permits, sow discontent among locals.
Crayola lays off 30 workers →
Rumour has it that the laid-off staffers were chronic queue-jumpers, refused to stay inside the lines.
Shreveport teen accidentally shoots his scrotum →
Police believe the missing weapon was Heckler & Koch.
Health plan fix targets smokers, obese →
Fat, smoking people everywhere are outraged but Plan officials think it’ll die off in a few years.
Goat rampages through Wisconsin home →
The animal is definitely not kidding around, is now ruminating his next move.
Zoo shut down briefly by loose monkey →
Why they would listen to a monkey and close down the zoo is beyond me, let alone what his sexual morals have to do with anything.
Missouri woman's hair weave stops bullet →
pterodactyls:
up-schist-creek:
She says that she will dread locking up her ex-boyfriend for the attack.
Although she’d like the assailant to just curl up and dye, the local church has been passing a collection plait around for his bail.
Police are still astounded, as it’s totally unbweaveable that hair could do that.
Missouri woman's hair weave stops bullet →
She says that she will dread locking up her ex-boyfriend for the attack.
Boy Killed By Anal Penetrating Chair →
tristanjay7:
The boy’s family remains shocked by the freak accident, one family member remarking “it just rectum. Damn near killed— oh.” Analyst-therapists are presently providing grief counseling.
Family doctors confirm the boy had a recurring issue with his stool in the past year.
Boy Killed By Anal Penetrating Chair →
tristanjay7:
The boy’s family remains shocked by the freak accident, one family member remarking “it just rectum. Damn near killed— oh.” Analyst-therapists are presently providing grief counseling.
We suspect the child had been Peking into the workings of the chair, causing it to malfunction.
sparo:
havent-got-a-prayer:
To the maroon bar stretching across the top of my dashboard, informing me that someone I have no idea about now has a tumbr; Disappear. Before I get angry.
Yes, how dare the tumblr people try to figure out how to monetize this service. All the servers, bandwidth and staff salaries are readily available from the money trees in their compound! Why, the nerve.
Hurf...
Swedish car maker bankrupt →
pterodactyls:
up-schist-creek:
“We’re in desperate need of a government bailout loan!,” the CEO was heard to Saab.
Government retorts: The world doesn’t reVolvo around you!
Rumour has it that the government has denied the loan proposal, reorganization of the company is pretty much a Fiat accompli at this point.
Shark attacks drop, recession blamed →
Shark-repelling ‘recession cannisters’ now under development.
30 injured when Northwest Airlines flight hits... →
Film rights to “Shakes on a Plane” have been secured.
Swedish car maker bankrupt →
“We’re in desperate need of a government bailout loan!,” the CEO was heard to Saab.
Allred group offers support for OctoMom's litter →
All she has to do is have them all climb back into the clown car and she can come see if she likes the place.
The (North) American Report: Obama’s Lessons from... →
President Obama made his first visit to a foreign country today and as was the tradition until our last President, he went to Canada. I know some of you just refer to it as America’s helmet, but our fate is tied to yours - and with that in mind here is what President Obama must always keep in mind about the True North:
-We can take Grand Forks any time we want.
-Pamela Anderson may or may...
2 tags
Theft of 99 cent roll of toilet paper lands woman... →
Defending counsel is confident that her record will be wiped clean.
2 tags
Giant rabbits to return to Spanish menus →
Tiny font on menus will have to be read through the looking glass provided to each restaurant patron.
Man refuses to cut 10-inch ear hair →
Wife would nag constantly for him to do so, but he wouldn’t ‘ear it. She says she lobes him anyways.
2 tags
Sacramento police recover Armstrong's stolen bike →
Lance wasn’t upset at the ordeal, says he had a ball.
Thieves snag giant sausage →
jhnbrssndn:
up-schist-creek:
jhnbrssndn:
withinluwithoutlu:
up-schist-creek:
Owner says crime in the area has always been a problem, but this is the wurst in recent memory.
I never sausage a thing!
Just the latest in a string of similar offences
Police have suspects in mind, and their parents say they’re all brats.
This is such an open-and-shut case it would be really embarrassing if...
Thieves snag giant sausage →
jhnbrssndn:
withinluwithoutlu:
up-schist-creek:
Owner says crime in the area has always been a problem, but this is the wurst in recent memory.
I never sausage a thing!
Just the latest in a string of similar offences
Police have suspects in mind, and their parents say they’re all brats.